It’s been a week.
I wish I had some positive, funny story to share with you, but I don’t.
This week I am heartbroken for more than the normal reasons. I lost a dear friend to cancer this week. She’s fought hard against it for 18 months and I guess God was just ready for her struggle to be done. She has been a huge inspiration to me. Her positivity and strength have shown me how to react in the face of adversity.
She really did make lemonaid with her lemons.
She was the first to comfort me when we got Jayson’s second tumor diagnoses. She advised me on how to properly Google terms related to his surgery so I wouldn’t just see all the doom and gloom, but still stay informed. She held my hand when I cried when though she was facing the same demons. She came to Jayson’s memorial service and comforted me still although she could barely stand. She brushed it off as being tired. She was a wonderful friend.
I somehow mustered the courage to attend her funeral. I thought I’d be fine.
I wasn’t.
I lasted 10 minutes and had to excuse myself. I found a quiet spot across the parking lot and just sat and cried. It was a wonderful release, but I realized being there was too much. I started hyperventilating. I was an hour from home, I didn’t drive and I didn’t know what to do. A coworker found me and just sat with her arms around me until I was able to compose myself.
We walked back in and joined the service. It was a beautiful celebration of her life and I made it through the whole thing.
I’m not sure what made me think that wouldn’t happen. My husband just died because of the same stupid thing.
I hate cancer.
I hate how it tears families apart. I hate how it ends friendships. I HATE IT.
Like I said earlier, I wish I had some profound something to say, but I don’t. This is me being angry, bitter and just plain sad.
I’m devastated at the loss of people I love to this horrible beast of a disease. Maybe, one day someone will find a cure. Until then, my prayer for everyone battling it is this: I pray for smiles and strength. I pray God grants you peace and that you know you are loved. I pray you fight the good fight and, if it’s your time, I pray you leave a wonderful legacy of memories behind for your family and friends.
Jayson and Heather most definitely did.
Kelly