Tag Archives: Prayer

Stupid Cancer

February 9, 2015 2:56 pm , Leave a Comment ,

It’s been a week.

I wish I had some positive, funny story to share with you, but I don’t.

This week I am heartbroken for more than the normal reasons. I lost a dear friend to cancer this week. She’s fought hard against it for 18 months and I guess God was just ready for her struggle to be done. She has been a huge inspiration to me. Her positivity and strength have shown me how to react in the face of adversity.

She really did make lemonaid with her lemons.

She was the first to comfort me when we got Jayson’s second tumor diagnoses. She advised me on how to properly Google terms related to his surgery so I wouldn’t just see all the doom and gloom, but still stay informed. She held my hand when I cried when though she was facing the same demons. She came to Jayson’s memorial service and comforted me still although she could barely stand. She brushed it off as being tired. She was a wonderful friend.

I somehow mustered the courage to attend her funeral. I thought I’d be fine.

I wasn’t.

I lasted 10 minutes and had to excuse myself. I found a quiet spot across the parking lot and just sat and cried. It was a wonderful release, but I realized being there was too much. I started  hyperventilating. I was an hour from home, I didn’t drive and I didn’t know what to do. A coworker found me and just sat with her arms around me until I was able to compose myself. 

We walked back in and joined the service. It was a beautiful celebration of her life and I made it through the whole thing.

I’m not sure what made me think that wouldn’t happen. My husband just died because of the same stupid thing.

I hate cancer.

I hate how it tears families apart. I hate how it ends friendships. I HATE IT.

Like I said earlier, I wish I had some profound something to say, but I don’t. This is me being angry, bitter and just plain sad.

I’m devastated at the loss of people I love to this horrible beast of a disease. Maybe, one day someone will find a cure. Until then, my prayer for everyone battling it is this: I pray for smiles and strength. I pray God grants you peace and that you know you are loved. I pray you fight the good fight and, if it’s your time, I pray you leave a wonderful legacy of memories behind for your family and friends.

Jayson and Heather most definitely did.

2015-02-07 20.23.36

Kelly

 

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Sunshine and Roses…

January 12, 2015 9:35 am , Leave a Comment ,

Sometimes, it’s hard to know what to pray for.

 I have a dear friend who I’ve watched battle a very aggressive form of brain cancer for the past 2 years. It hasn’t been easy. But, I just knew it would all turn out fine.

Why wouldn’t it?

She’s young. She’s so full of life. She’s a great person.

 I just got a message saying she’s back in the hospital. She had to be put in a medically induced coma to help her body. Jayson had to have that done as well, but he never woke up.

A lady I met at the hospital asked me what I wanted her to pray for. She was conflicted. She has a hard time praying for J to be healed when she knew he was so close to seeing the face of Jesus. I didn’t understand why praying for healing was so difficult.

Now I do.

I’m praying for comfort for my friend’s family, but how do I pray for her? See, I’ve lived this already. I remember just knowing in my heart that God would heal my husband. There was no doubt in my mind he would come home with the girls and I. But I walked out of the hospital without J and as much as I want my friend to be healed, I’ve learned that’s not always in God’s plan.

I despise this new found knowledge. I want to go back to my bubble where the world is sunshine and roses, where the good guy always wins and where everything turns out great in the end.

Sounds like a cheesy movie, huh?

That’s where I lived my life up until September 1, 2014. Then, I learned what it really means to live on a fallen world. A world we weren’t meant to be in, where we are separate from God, where there is death and disease and hunger and sin.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could go back and throw a piece of that fruit at Eve? Or better yet, knock said fruit out of her hand and stop her from consuming it. Stupid girl didn’t know how good she had it. She had to go ruin it for the rest of us…. I digress.

So, for now, I’ll keep praying for comfort for her family and God’s will for her. She’s a sunshine and roses kind of gal too. She’s hanging on for now and fighting the good fight with a smile and joy in her heart.

The world needs more of that.

Kelly

 

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