Am I good enough?
Am I strong enough?
Am I wise enough?
Am I ENOUGH?
Being a single momma is not easy. I’m constantly second guessing my decisions.
“What would Jayson think?”
“How would Jayson handle this?”
That’s how I’ve made every decision since he died. It’s exhausting trying to be the voice of two people.
So, guess what? I’m done.
I’m going to stop trying to figure out how Jayson would handle things. It doesn’t really matter anymore. There are other ways I can honor his memory besides trying to make decisions like him. He and I rarely agreed anyway, but his opinion was always so much stronger than mine that he would win out. I did win on the pink nail polish though.
“Every little girl deserves to pick her nail color and hot pink does not make a 2 year old look like a harlet Jayson!” (That was a real argument….)
Even though I feel completely inadequate and lost most of the time, God did equip me with the knowledge to raise my girls. I may have no idea what I’m doing, but He does.
See, all our life together, Jayson and I prayed we would listen to Gods instruction on how to parent our children. He has a plan for every mistake we’ve already made and the many, many more I’m bound to make on my own.
So far, both girls are healthy, happy, kind, curious, loving, compassionate and they have Jesus in their heart. I really can’t ask for much more than that. I smile when I see them praying for one another and friends that are hurting. Leah has a heart for the homeless and prays that “everybody gets a home and food.” That makes me think we’ve done something right.
Am I enough? Alone, no. I’m not.
However, I’m not alone. None of us are. We can choose to ask for and accept help. We can be transparent with our struggles. We can give our fears of inadequacy to our Maker and see them for what they are, lies.
I am ENOUGH.
It may not always feel that way, but I am.
I am ENOUGH.
I can provide my children a loving, God centered home where they will never want for anything or feel alone.
I am ENOUGH.
I don’t always believe it. But I am.
I AM ENOUGH
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.