How can one feel alone when surrounded by people?
It’s a strange concept for most, but when you’ve lost the person closest to you it’s something you experience everyday. No one can understand unless they’ve been there and those are the last people you want to turn to because no one wants a reminder of that feeling.
But, how is one supposed to go at this alone?
Who do you cry to when the one who comforted you can’t?
Who do you share your joys, sadness, frustrations with now?
Who can you tell anything to without fear of judgement?
Who’s going to help you make those hard decisions like what color to paint a room or what kind of sandwich meat to buy?
I don’t know the answer to these questions. But if you have these same questions, know you are not alone. Out there is someone feeling the same thing.
Me, for example.
I definitely do not have it all together and some days I just wish I could pick up the phone to call Jayson “just because.” But I can’t. I do however, surround myself with friends and family that make me feel safe. I’ve learned that transparency is not all bad. I’ve learned it’s ok to have bad moments or days. It’s ok for my girls to see me cry. It’s even better for them to watch me pick myself up and go on with life. They are learning that there are things in this world that we can’t control, but we don’t have to allow them to control us. I am learning this as well.
So, for those reading this that feel alone and think that no one knows how it feels:
You are never alone. God is holding you and will guide you every step of the way. When you feel lost, take it one breath at a time. You don’t have to have it all figured out. God’s already done that. He knows your pain and He’ll carry you through it if you allow him.
You may be angry with God and that’s ok too. Yell, tell him how you feel. Throw things. Scream into pillows til your throat hurts (it won’t take long and yes I know this from experience). Then, pick yourself up, THANK HIM for the time you were allowed to spend with HIS child before they were called home and then move forward. That looks different for us all. Don’t expect it to be easy and don’t go at it alone.
Sign up for a Grief Group, journal, talk to your Pastor or a licensed counselor (Check my resources tab). Allow yourself to grieve, but don’t allow yourself to go at it alone. It doesn’t work and we were never meant to be alone anyway.
It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. —Deuteronomy 31:8
What could anyone add to this promise? God is with us; He sees despair, and He promises to be with us throughout our seasons of grief.
Hope this little rant helps someone in some way and always feel free to share or comment if you have questions!
Kelly