I dreamt about him last night.
It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does I’m sad when i wake up. In my dreams I’m aware he’s gone. But, he finds a way back, like it was all just a bad dream.
In my dreams, i can’t let him go. We dance, we laugh, we talk about the girls, it’s wonderful. Last night, we danced to End of the Road by Boyz to Men (90’s kid). He spun me in circles, held me close, playfully dipped me backwards and pretended to drop me… all the things we always did.
I miss dancing in the kitchen. I miss him grabbing me inappropriately in public and saying “what?” like he had no idea. I miss tripping over his boots he’d just leave in the middle of the floor. I miss his laugh. I miss the idea of him cleaning his shotgun the first time a boy shows up to take out our girls. I miss that our girls can’t dance with their daddy anymore. I’m heartbroken that Lauren won’t know what is like to attend the Princess Ball with her Daddy.
I miss the idea of what our life could’ve been.
But, that’s the awesome thing about dreams. For a brief second in time, he’s here. In my dreams, we are together again. In my dreams, I’m whole.
Kelly